Elephant Seal Rehabilitation Center

Monterey

In Monterey, we stayed with Thomas' Uncle Tom and Aunt Lois, who retired there last year from Fresno. They are loving life.

A boat taken over by sea birds

We wandered down a pier and into this wholesale market to look at the fresh fish. "Wanna see something really big?" asked a salt-crusted fisherman. And then he showed us a 14 lb. lobster. It was really big.

Tom and Lois have passes to the Monterey Aquarium, so they gave us the local's tour, guiding us straight to the glowing jellyfish and the sharks. They also made sure I got to touch a lot of stuff.

Me touching a sea cucumber

Touching starfish

Thomas with the otters

After the aquarium, we went sea kayaking in the bay. Lois bundled me up in her wetsuit, windbreaker, Aqua Socks, and gloves. Thomas and I paddled into the bay, out to the aquarium, where the thick of seaweed rose and feel like a blanket. Seals swam up to inspect us, right up to the boats. There were curtains of translucent jellyfish. It was an amazing and memorable experience.

Tom and Lois inspired me to retire as early as possible. Lois also inspired me to enter things I make in fairs; her biscuits are blue-ribbon winners.

Elephant Seals

The excitement and energy in the silver Golf began to ebb.

But then, Thomas and I met some elephant seals. It was late in the season, we were told, so there weren't many left. The Elephant Seal Expert showed us pictures of birthings and skin-sheddings, the latter of which had just happened. After the babies are born, the moms migrate south and the dads head for Alaska, and a year later they meet again on the same beaches.

Since neither of us likes to work, these undulating sacks of lard inspired us to open up a rehabilitation center for elephant seals. Thomas suggested mating assistance, but it seemed that they were doing okay with that on their own. I figure we can get federal funding.

San Luis Obispo

We made an unexpected stop in a San Luis Obispo ER because I had a flare-up from my Crohn's Disease. As a conossiour of medical facilities, I can say that French Hospital was miles ahead of any Harlem-area ER. Disney Channel and Food Network in every room.

Sad times picture

They pumped me full of drugs and sent me on my way, back to the luxuriously quaint B&B Thomas accidently booked. It was very popular with Europeans on wine country tours. There was a big jacuzzi tub and gigantic peanut butter cookies. It was the nicest hotel we have ever stayed in.

Thomas enjoying the amenities

A few Vicadins later, we were ready to roll.

Ventura & Oxnard

After the beautiful desert sunrise and a homey breakfast at Wagon Wheel in Needles, we drove to my grandparents' house in Ventura, California. These are my favorite white grandparents:

After dinner, Grandpa showed me his geneological research. I got to see the fat South African diamond ring my great-great-great-grandfather, Henry Morris, lost and then recovered in a horse's hoof.

In the morning, Grandma made me French toast cut into little houses. (They taste better that way.)

After breakfast, Grandma took Thomas and I on a Tour of My Mom's Life.

Ventura! That tall hotel underneath the branches of the tree is where the family raced to in "Little Miss Sunshine."

This is the house where my mom moved when she was in 5th grade. Sometimes mountain lions roam the neighborhood. Grandpa is a skilled raccoon trapper and ground hog poisoner.

This was my mom's elementary school, Mound.

Balboa was where my mom attended middle school.

This is Buena High, home to my mom and Kevin Costner.

This is where my parents met.

This is the first apartment my parents shared. They lived here in sin.

This is the Church of the Foothills: where my parents got married, where I was baptized, and where my grandma sings in the choir.

Then

Now

My parents bought this condo after they were married.

After the Tour, Thomas and I went to C Street so Thomas could surf...

and I could lounge.

Tanned and refreshed, we went to see my Grandma Helen and Aunt Jenny in Oxnard. The last time I saw Grandma Helen was at my high school graduation seven years ago, so I was incredibly excited to see them. They showed us a ton of family pictures and told us stories about them all. I hadn't experienced feeling old until they told me that my cousin's son, who I remember as an adorable, fat-cheeked five-year-old, is graduating from high school.

Later that night, Grandma and Grandpa took us out to eat at a brewery in downtown Ventura.

Following a nice soak in the hot tub and a little Olympics, we waved good-bye and ate the last of the Sees candies my Grandma had bought, heading towards Monterey.

Camping in the Mojave

From Meteor Crater, we drove as far as we could towards Ventura. When it got too late, we drove around dirt roads off historic Route 66 until we found a camping spot. I stayed awake half the night, straining to hear rapists and axe murderering truck drivers, willing Thomas to wake up.

In the morning, though, it was totally worth it.

Meteor Crater

A while back, maybe for my birthday, Thomas bought me a copy of Carl Sagan's Cosmos. Admittedly, I have a very big crush on Carl Sagan. As he is dead, the closest I can get to my favorite astrophysicist is Meteor Crater, Arizona.

Meteor Crater was formed 50,000 years ago when, as you might think, a meteor slammed into the Arizona desert and created a crater--sixty stories deep, three miles in circumference, and almost a mile in diameter. Aside from my grandparents, Meteor Crater was the most anticipated stop for me on the whole vacation. It did not disappoint.

The barren drive out to the crater